Groom Out of Place: When He Tries to Steal the Spotlight

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Every bride knows that without a groom there is no wedding, so he is very important to the whole process. And as vital as he is, we also know that his real job is window dressing; he is an accessory. He is there to frame you as they say in ballroom dancing… the focus is on the female in the phenomenal dress.

Now some of you may feel that this line of thinking is very chauvinistic and are appalled at the thought that anyone would even consider him less important than you on your wedding day. You are entitled to that thought, but deep down inside you know that the last thing you want is your groom to snatch the spotlight away from you. The dress, the hair, the flowers, the details are all because of you to make sure people know that this is the happiest day of your life, oh, and his as well.

Occasionally, there are grooms that fail to get this memo.  There are signs that you may have a Groomzilla on your hands and you’ll want to get him in check before he runs amok and terrifies your wedding planner. Consider these four warnings:

The Engagement – When you got engaged he did something really outrageous that, of course, was posted on social media for the whole world to see.  Maybe he bungee jumped off an office building in a Spider Man costume to deliver his proposal to you during your al fresco lunch. Be aware, this is the same guy who is likely to be taking a selfie during the vows and then post it to saying, “Too late, Ladies…I told you I was a catch!” Get someone else to hold his cell phone during the ceremony… and maybe until after the honeymoon.

The Outfit – You have gone to great lengths to find the just perfect dress for you and you’ve started looking at the appropriate attire for the groom and his guys. But suddenly, your sweetie who normally wears plaid shirts and striped shorts with sandals and socks is looking at GQ magazines for ideas.  He is now thinking about a morning coat and top hat to go with your conservative lacey shift for your 2 o’clock wedding at the court house. As a groom-to-be he has evolved from the wear-what’s-clean-guy to the I-dress-for-dinner-man. Pay attention and corral that enthusiasm with practice outfits. Let him learn to pick out the adult version of Garanimals and take his picture so he remembers it.  As you gently teach him about fashion, he will start to understand what is appropriate for your wedding.

The Dance Lessons – It is sweet to take lessons to ensure that you (two) look simpatico as you glide out to the dance floor for your first rhumba. If you find that he’s asking for extra help even after he’s mastered the two-step and a twirl, get ready. He is planning to add a dip and a lift you’ll never see coming.  Be sure your dance instructor is on your side with keeping the dance routine more Fred and Ginger than mainly Fred and what’s her name.

The Menu – He does love to cook and that is something you want to encourage, but not at your wedding. He can help plan the menu, even get fussy over the libations, but doing the actual cooking should be discouraged. Whether you are having 10 people or 100, his focus should be on you and your guests. Immediately have him start cooking for you (and family and friends) as often as possible, so much so that when you say, “Oh honey, how about you cook dinner for us…” he’ll refuse and say he’s tired of it and then he’ll give up the notion of creating the wedding repast.  When you return from your honeymoon, he will have had just enough time to want to start again and a little flattery will get him back into the chef mode.

It doesn’t happen often that a groom goes off the rails and steals the show and some brides may even find their behavior refreshing. However, if you are more traditionally minded, watch for the warning signs and take charge of the situation now; because, after all, it is all about you, too.


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